I have pills. I have a lot of pills. I'm twenty-four years old, and I have pills in front of me. I have pills in my backpack. I have pills in my room. All of them take some sort of pain away. The relinquish me from the pain I have in the pit of my stomach and I wish I didn't feel the way I do right now because not only will I be letting myself down, but I'd be letting a whole bunch of people down. And I wish I didn't feel the way I do because I really like the way my life used to be, but I'm really not sure where to go from here. A lot of people have told me that I shouldn't worry too much about it because it's a horrible sense of feeling that I have deep down inside me that I will eventually grow out of, but the truth is, I don't think I have the courage to live one anymore.
It's as if all the hope and awe in life has been drained away the moment those words were uttered, the words that make up my name. I graduated, big fucking whoop.
I don't want to be the emo kid at twenty-four, that's not right. I'm not like that at all. I don't walk around being sad on purpose, I have no reasons, but I don't do it because it's the fad. It's pointless. I wish I could make the world see what I have inside me because I want a cure. I want the cure that will release me from whatever chambers that have surrounded me. I wish I had a person I could talk to. Really talk to. I have Jyg but if I bring this out to her, I'll most likely bring her down and I don't want that. I have Monica, but she has a whole set of problems herself. There's my other friends, but they have lives of their own. And here is me, at a stand still, no school, no free counseling. I feel a terrible void around me and I can feel the heat closing in.
I just want to return to the old status of me. The me before all the mess.
I wasn't ready.
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Now playing: Nirvana - Lithium
via FoxyTunes
It's as if all the hope and awe in life has been drained away the moment those words were uttered, the words that make up my name. I graduated, big fucking whoop.
I don't want to be the emo kid at twenty-four, that's not right. I'm not like that at all. I don't walk around being sad on purpose, I have no reasons, but I don't do it because it's the fad. It's pointless. I wish I could make the world see what I have inside me because I want a cure. I want the cure that will release me from whatever chambers that have surrounded me. I wish I had a person I could talk to. Really talk to. I have Jyg but if I bring this out to her, I'll most likely bring her down and I don't want that. I have Monica, but she has a whole set of problems herself. There's my other friends, but they have lives of their own. And here is me, at a stand still, no school, no free counseling. I feel a terrible void around me and I can feel the heat closing in.
I just want to return to the old status of me. The me before all the mess.
I wasn't ready.
----------------
Now playing: Nirvana - Lithium
via FoxyTunes
